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Why You Shouldn't Pay To Go Out With A Guy

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In my younger days(AKA, 3 years ago) I thought it was cool to pay for a date or give a few dollars to a guy when he needs it. Now, I am no longer like that anymore. I noticed that when I did that for a guy they
1.)  Used me
2.) Did not appreciate me
3.) Did I say used me???

The reason guys feel they can have ladies pay for dates(that includes splitting the bill) , make last minute dates, call all hours of the night, or not even take us out at all is  because we allow them as ladies to treat us in that fashion. 

Let me tell you a story. A few years ago, I was going through a rough patch in my life. I had left the church I was involved with and was not allowed to talk to anyone from the church. I had decided to leave my job as a child care worker after realizing I was not cut out for the job . and I had decided to go back to school. While I was in school, I decided to get a part time job. While I was doing some test for my new job, I met Robert*. Me and Robert talked for a few minutes while we were waiting and exchanged numbers.We talked everyday for a week before meeting up.He invited me over to watch TV(He was living with family members of his). Lets just say, I didn't even see anything in his house that looked like a TV, let alone look at a TV show that night. He hung out a lot, and I did  things that I would be ashamed to tell my son when he get older. I even payed for tickets to a basketball game and took him to dinner to a restaurant he wanted to go to for his birthday. Only a few days after his birthday did Robert do the most disgusting things I have ever witness a guy do
  
1.) He had his cousin pretend to be him while I told him VERY intimate things
2.) Called my mothers number at 3 in the morning to flirt with her (the reason he called my mom was that I used his phone to call her and he found the number while he was looking through his phone. He didn't know the number so when he dialed it and my mom answered he started flirting. My mother pretended to be someone else to show me he was a good for nothing dude.GO MOM!!!!)
3. He didn't see anything wrong with what he did other then the fact he didn't know it was my mom. He felt that even thought we were together, he could talk sexual and flirt with other women if he wanted to. He even called me a gold digger and say I thought I was better then him because I made more the him(Both of those statements cancel each other out).  

See the source imageIt no surprise I let him go. I spent some time  getting to know me, and when I wasn't even looking, I met a guy that treated me with respect. When a guy pays for a date, its a way to show you that he can provide. That doesn't mean if he cant take you to the most expensive restaurant in town that cant be a provider(but if that is his excuse,that another story). It the same thing with paying his bills and having him stay  home while you work to provide. Men have been too lax these days and think women are being too high maintenance when we say we want them to pay for dates. I feel as women we need to set the objective of how the relationship should go. And if he has a problem with paying for dates  and/or want to dutch, he is not a gentlemen,that is a little boy. A gentlemen knows how to set an example of being a provider. even if his funds are low, he will find a low cost solution to a great night that doesn't involve his couch and a Netflix account. 

If you haven't noticed by the title and theme of this blog or if you were introduced to my blog from The Fascinating Womanhood Facebook Group, I am an advocate for Gender Roles and truly believe in it. I have seen what it is like to try and take over the role of the man(at the time, I didn't know I was doing that). One of the reasons I believe in gender roles will be exhibited in the video below. In the first part of the ,video they were asking people who were walking down the street different questions about gender roles such as should women pay on the first date or what should you do if the woman.Some of the boys didn't mind have a women pay for a date and some even say if the woman make more then the boy, he should be able to stay at home.Ladies, I love men ,and this is a no man bashing space,but we need to show and set an example of what we expect from a man.If you want to learn more information  on peoples views on gender roles, I recommend looking at the video below. Enjoy. 







Comments

  1. You make a good point. But I beg to disagree that only guys do this. Even girls can do this to guys, and in both cases, each of the genders should be careful about what they are sacrificing for their partner or how much they are investing. I am sorry you were treated badly, I guess you were just very unlucky. But to generalise this to every guy will be unfair.

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  2. I think not all the guys are in same mindset. But as a women we do have to maintain our respect and not others to take advantage of us.

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  3. Wow , what a story. Flirting with mother? Whaaaat?

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  4. This is such an interesting perspective and myself personally, I have always paid at least for myself or at least tried. My husband is the first person I have "let" take care of me and pay for me at least for the majority when we were just dating. He insisted actually and now we are married and our money is our money! I can totally see your point and I can see why guys can be lazy some times!

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  5. In my experience, any time I ever paid for a date, the relationship came to a screeching halt anyway. In my own experiences in the past (which were a really, really long time ago) the guys I dated took it to mean we were just friends (apparently) and they just stopped calling. At least they didn't try to take advantage of me, as you're describing.

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  6. Oh I've certainly had my fill of creeps like "Robert" . Self love is tough to find and harder to keep. Often our hearts eat lies so we're not lonely and we feel wanted and accepted. Good on you for leaving that jerk. Great blog. I like the way you write. :) I'm always looking for guest writers if you're up for it.xoxo

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  7. I guess for me it depends on your relationship. I don't have a problem paying for dinner sometimes. I did it whe I was dating with my boyfriend at that time and now he is my husband. Sorry to hear about your story and sharing it with us.

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  8. I respect your opinion, especially given your horrible experience, but I disagree with the whole idea of gender roles. I believe they are societal and not biological, and prefer to provide for someone as much as they provide for me. (I am, however, SO GLAD you aren't with Robert.)

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  9. Very interesting reading. I have my own bad experiences, and I guess at some extent, we all do. We also handle them differently. I think it what comes to first dates, I like to be pampered but going forward I don´t mind sharing the costs for example. Sorry to hear about your bad experience.

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  10. Oh gosh! It sounds like he totally needed to go. I hate it when guys are with you and see if they can find something better the whole time. Ug!

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  11. You know... you definitely got a point, but I think it's somehow not fair.. I mean, as much as I love guys paying for the dates too, cause it's gentlemen-like and we feel like that's what it's supposed to be, I also came to realization, that if we ask society for equal pays and everything... honestly, why should we expect guys to be paying for us all the time? Why should we get to save our money and they spend all of it... ? I'm not saying equal pays are not necessary (god forbid!), I'm just saying we might have set up ourselves for this... Though not the case you described! That's the definition of user.

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  12. It's a good point of view but depends of the cases. For example, I had a boyfriend who never invited me to nothing and their friends always remembered him that, you know, sometimes it's polite to invite to your girlfriend. I was very tired of that. With my actual boyfriend, it's totally different. But I don't feel he is doing that for courtesy, because I also don't do it for that. I do it because I want to! :) I feel good, but also with my friends. Most of my friends if they are working, normally invites you for a round of beers and tapas, and nothing happens! So I think that depends of the person and the situation I would think like you

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